When animal spirits hunt us, are they really bad dreams, or are they good medicine?

I think there is something to be said about troubling dreams, dreams which seem to pursue us relentlessly, and how our spirit helpers come to guide us even when it seems that they are trying to hurt us!

Long ago, back when my family first moved moved from busy New York City to Pennsylvania, we moved to the land of black bear territory. I was just 4 years old and right off the bat I remember feeling in awe when a black bear snatched our bird feeder right off our kitchen window, and left big, muddy pawprints on the white siding of our house. Bears are huge, I thought, wondering about them inside my little four year old body.

So we had experiences with bears, and we learned to not put meat into our compost pile, or to leave garbage outdoors before trash day, because those bears would come and readily tear things up! And we learned from these experiences how to be bear-smart among their territory.

But bears did not just visit us in the waking world, I found out quite quickly that their power was represented in my dreams...bad dreams, or nightmares, as I called them.

Night after night, starting from a small age, I would lay awake at night observing the many spiritual things which I could not explain. Shadows would shift across the walls, seemingly coming alive as I saw such things that made me wonder about the things people never seemed to talk about. And then, I was taken into the dream world.

Night after night, I dreamt of black bears coming to hunt me. They haunted my dreams, and I would have close and seemingly dangerous encounters with them, and wake up in a cold sweat, laying awake for many hours, shaking after such visions. I couldn't explain them, I only knew that I was afraid of these nighttime visitors, and I wanted them to leave me alone.

As I grew older, the bear dreams were less frequent, but always, at the moment I least expected it, there she came-- a large sow, her massive form rippling with shining black fur, lumbering towards me with surprising agility, and then I would turn and bolt-- running away on ragged breath while she charged me. She always came close, and I opened my eyes before her powerful paw swiped at me. Again and again, I awoke sweating, terrified, afraid to sleep again for I knew that she was there waiting for me.

I had come to known her in a sort of distorted kinship-- I recognized her when she came, I knew her spirit deeply, and I ran from her.

After many years of these recurring nightmares, I was now 19 years old, and I was visited by the bear spirit less and less, although sometimes we still had dream encounters. She seemed to come and go, although every time I was out exploring the forest, I would feel hear nearby. My human self's eyes darted around me, waiting for her to pop out of a bush and come pursue me again, because I knew she was out to get me. My breath became rapid, and I felt myself begin to sweat.

Only at the time, I did not understand that it was her spirit which disturbed me so.

One night, I sank into a curious dream.

In this dream, I was in a massive empty room that reminded me of a ski lodge. There were log cabin walls, and an enormous open window before me. And there I stood before it.

I stood at the window peering out, looking out at a small meadow, just one hill that filled the scenery with grasses and flowers, with blue sky and fluffy white clouds above.

I felt a sense of calmness come over me as I observed this peaceful place. I felt safe here.

And then she arrived.

Only this time, the black bear sow who I'd always been pursued by pursued me no more.

She stumbled out of the tall grass from the left side, only she was not plump and shiny and powerful as I had come to know her. She seemed to be unaware of me, trudging forward with the sort of desperation of an animal seeking a safe space to die.

Her legs were shaky, and her fur was ragged and thinned out by mange. I could see ribs rippling through the greyish skin that was now exposed. And with each trembling step she labored to move forward. This terrifying animal was now experiencing a moment of vulnerability that is rare to see-- and I was entranced by this vision.

I felt something tear suddenly through my heart that I'd never felt in her presence before.

It was sadness.

Tears welled in my eyes as if I watched a silent funeral procession before me: this animal, once great and menacing, now took her final steps, and she collapsed in the grasses before me, taking one final ragged breath, and then her life was no more.

My own breath shuddered as emotion swelled up in my ribcage. I had never known that something so powerful and fearless would be something my heart ached for in its final moments. After so many years, her hunt had been laid to rest. I felt grief tear through me at this vision, all the moments of terror in prior years now vanished entirely. For the moment, I felt the loss, strangely, of a friend.

I awoke from that dream with a mission.

For so many years, she'd been an adversary. She represented danger, alarm, and the constant feeling that when out in the forest, I was being watched, and I should perhaps be ready to defend myself. She was the dark night, the unseen, the unknown that came to grab me right when I least expected it.

She represented where the veil thins-- a bear coming to leave intentional pawprints on the sides of our house, where I later ran my fingertips across them, scarcely breathing for feeing her power. Goosebumps raised all over me as my human mind didn't understand the mystic powers I felt within her. But I knew they were there.

Only now, I felt a deep ache within that told me one thing: I must honor her. She lived alongside me for so many years. Now, she is part of me. This is what I woke up knowing.

That day, I went to a local tattoo shop and brought a little sketch I had made of a bear's face with some plants around it. I need a tattoo of a bear, I said. On my left shoulder. Here's my idea. Can you help me out?

Yes, the lady at the counter said, we'll refer you to Aaron, he does American traditional, which was what I wanted.

Three days later, it was the 4th of July, and the town of Scranton, Pennsylvania was quite busy. You could barely navigate a car and I was worried that I wouldn't find parking for my tattoo appointment which was in 20 minutes.

I pulled into a strangely empty parking garage and looked at the signs-- it was for a business, and my only option. So I parked my car, and as I stepped out, a man informed me that parking was free today, and I was welcome to leave my car there. Happy Independence Day! He said. A helpful nudge from the Universe!, I thought. I rushed to the studio and got settled in with Aaron Dale, my artist.

I walked out of the tattoo shop three and a half hours later with a gorgeous black bear's face surrounded by ferns on my left shoulder.

I couldn't help but see that something powerful had happened there.

For the one thing that tormented me at night for so many years, she was a beautiful testament to something that was more ancient than I could describe. And I felt a sense of honor in marking her onto my skin-- once an enemy, now an ally.

It was the very first step I made into what I could only describe as medicine.

For in her pursuit of myself, I had not known that really, she was a teacher, and she had come to show me something of myself.

As I later learned, Bear spirit is a teacher, a healer, and a friend.

And if I am willing to face the parts of myself that I was so afraid of, and seeing that the nighttime of the forest is also part of my inner world, she can show me realms beyond what I could ever imagine. But only if I can accept that she is part of myself, too.

She has come to me many times after in moments of my greatest need-- and she revealed to me the medicine that can be passed along after we accept our shadow. After all, as a healer, she is able to tap into such medicine that can reveal our weakness, and also the power that lies below it. This is part of why I chose the Spirit Bear as the symbol of Lak'weh of Light-- she was the very first spirit who became a doula for my medicine work. She is the very first teacher who I honor as the one who ushered me into learning about myself. And she is a sacred being.

So, if you are plagued by bad dreams, and calling them bad dreams is not making the problem go away....Ask yourself, what is this dream attempting to show you of yourself?

What animals, situations, and places in nature do you reject, fear, or disown completely?

That rat, snake, bear, or wolf in your dreams might just be an ally coming to show you your own medicine. Only, the terror you feel about it is really the terror you feel about your own power that you have not embraced yet.

And we need the support of these helpers who come to show us our power in the ways they know best-- creating situations where we must face our own perceived limitations, so that we may grow past them.

Thank you for reading, and if you need help with troublesome dreams or a bothersome animal spirit, I am always available to help you through Intuitive Mentorship or Ceremonial Readings. Maybe there is some work to be done about correcting your relationship with those powerful animal allies.

With Love,

Lak'weh Anastasia & the bear sow